The 10 best school lunches of all time, ranked (2024)

How high does a chicken nugget bounce if you throw it at the floor? Does deli ham stick to the ceiling if you toss it high enough?

Those and more were the questions of the day in the school cafeteria; a Wild West hotbed of chaos that felt remarkably unsupervised for a "supervised" place. Each day, chocolate milk was snorted up some kid's nostrils, Fruit-by-the-Foot was bartered for quarters (or math answers) and grilled cheese wedges were dunked in ketchup as if that flavor combo made sense.

But, I guess that type of free-for-all mentality is encouraged in a place where squishy burgers are served with a side of green bean juice.

Because — when your sandwich is soaked by vegetable drainage, or your pasta comes with an illogical pairing of steamed corn — it's hard to believe your reality is being structured by rules.

Sometimes, though, the caf staff gets it right and the noise stops; kids silenced by the glorious distraction of a cheese-stuffed breadstick dunked in marinara.

And, as class returns to session, I acknowledge those special moments.

These are the ten best school lunches of all time, ranked.

10. Nachos

The world's saltiest chips plus the world's saltiest beef come together in this elementary school delicacy. Generally served with fruit or mixed peas and carrots — rather than guacamole or something more rational — the staple was on everyone's plates when it came up on the monthly rotation.

Though the dish was often topped with liquid cheese, I loved when the food service team splurged on those super thick cheddar shreds.

9. Philly cheesesteak

I'm in the vast minority of people who prefer thin-sliced steak to chopped steak in a Philly, so this middle school meal was right up my alley. When the flat meat hit the bun, it made a large surface area for holding the cheese, peppers and onion, so — as I folded the sandwich in half — all of the saucy fillings got stuck in the center crevice like a meat and cheese taco.

Compared to the steak used in many local delis and bagel joints, the meat on the sandwich was actually pretty tender, too, which rocked.

8. Chicken parmesan

Was it chicken parm? Or was it just a chicken patty covered in marinara and mozzarella?

I didn't care, as long as it was served with a side of spaghetti.

7. Meatball parm hero

Unpopular(?) opinion: the meatballs in the school cafeteria are the best meatballs on the planet.

Squishy, spongy and juicy, they absolutely nail the texture that so many restaurant versions don't (I hate meatballs that taste like medium-well hamburgers). To me, they're on par with the Swedish bangers from IKEA.

Put them on a roll with sauce and cheese, and they're even better.

6. Pasta 'your way'

Give me the bowties with extra "pink sauce," please.

5. Dino nuggies

Dinosaurs used to be the kings of the earth, but — 66 million years later — they're the kings of plastic trays and apple juice.

4. General Tso's chicken

Like regular chicken nuggets, but covered in sticky "General Tso's sauce," this meal was a sleeper hit — if you're from the generation that was lucky enough to have it.

Though the marinade on the meat was more of a sweet teriyaki than a spicy smothering (I don't know how the caf team got it so wrong), this contemporary offering had kids lining up down the hall whenever it was on the menu.

3. French toast sticks

Burger King makes them, Sonic makes them and Wendy's makes them — but they never slap as hard as when the lunch ladies made them.

Deep-fried and served with an individual packet of Smucker's syrup, this decadent meal was the OG brunch.

2. Pizza sticks (also known as Bosco sticks or max sticks)

Stuffed crust pizza without the pizza, FTW.

1. French bread pizza

Soft, sliced bread drowning in a thick layer of marinara and an even thicker layer of cheese; no grade school meal was as delicious as the French bread pizza.

The only pizza offering that was big enough, saucy enough (throwback to the way the marinara pooled in the corners) and flavorful enough to be satisfying, I'd always try to order a second piece to go.

One day, they said yes — and it was more exciting than making the cheer team.

Kara VanDooijeweert is a food writer for NorthJersey.com and The Record. If you can't find her in Jersey's best restaurants, she's probably off running a race course in the mountains. Catch her on Instagram:@karanicolev&@northjerseyeats, and sign up for herNorth Jersey Eats newsletter.